Long Distance Dating ⋒TIPS & HOPE⋒

My husband and I were friends for 1 year, and then dated for 3 1/2 years before we said "I Do". Only 4 months out of the 3 1/2 years were we living in the same town. After those first 4 months of dating he was re-located to another station and we quickly had to learn how to make long distance work for us. Like most relationships we battled with communication, conflict resolution, and learning how to love each other well.

The only thing different, a little bit of distance.

Most military wives know that just because we are finally married does not mean the distance ends. Both my husband and I still experience lengthy periods of being away from one another because of his job. These TIPS + HOPE I have written for you are simple practices we have learned and still have to put in place.

I hope they encourage and help you in your season of life.

Enjoy reading :)

Talk often & intentionally.

It's not uncommon to struggle with communication in a relationship, and although it is not impossible to learn how to communicate miles away from one another, it is tricky. Finding time to talk, what to talk about, feeling like you are unheard, and misunderstanding one another are all difficulties we experienced while learning long distance. Here are some of the ways we have solved these issues.

We solved our problem of finding time to talk by creating daily phone call habits, we would call on our way to & from work, in the morning when we woke up and at night before bed. These daily habits made us feel closer even though the miles between were never ending.

For solving the issue of not knowing what to talk you first should understand that it is ok, you are not going to break up because your boring. The amount of times I felt like we were going to end our relationship because there wasn't enough to talk about was too many. I had to realize that not every conversation needed to be long and drawn out, the simple ones were the ones that brought us even closer. It was the random short phone calls that went like this:

• "Just thinking about you and wanted to say hi"

• "Good morning, how did you sleep?"

• "Hey I am struggling with patience, can you pray for me?"

• "Whatcha doin?"

All of these conversation starters gave way to an even closer relationship, even while apart.

Feeling like you are heard was hard for us, because both my husband and I do not give words of affirmation easily but each of our love languages is receiving words of affirmation, lol. Because of this we both had to be intentional with telling the other what affirmations we needed to hear from the other person. After a lengthy period of time and being very intentional with our words, each of us caught on and now we understand how to affirm the other person.

I would advise taking the love language quiz, and adhering to your partners needs in this way. It makes the world of a difference.

Finally, being misunderstood. It is so easy to misunderstand your significant other because you're far apart and experiencing life differently. Miscommunication can only be solved by giving a lot of grace, and asking a lot of questions. Something I noticed within miscommunication is that it normally comes in the form of assumption. Once you break the habit of assumption you can communicate more clearly.

God alone knows what is going on in the lives and minds of other people. Yet we routinely play God when we make assumptions about another person or interpret certain behaviors WITHOUT VERIFYING THE FACTS! - Pete and Geri Scazzero

Plan dates.

Following alongside the topic of intentionality, LET'S PLAN SOME DATES! It is important to set aside time within busy schedules for long distance dates. Friday nights and Sunday nights were ours. We would buy the same bottle of wine and try to do the same food too! It is fun to experience the same things even far away, it makes you feel connected to one another. We would then skype and talk about our future, if anything was weighing on the other persons heart, and catch up on the important details of our lives. Then we would end the night by streaming the same movie or T.V. show :)

Here are some more fun ideas we enjoyed:

• Download the chess app or poker app & may the best man (or woman) win!

• Cook together

• Go for facetime walks

• Make a playlist together and each of you adds songs, overtime you will have an soundtrack for your life together :)

• Send flowers or care packages

• Do the same devotional on the bible app together

• Read the same book

• Listen to the same podcast

Enjoy your life separately & together.

My husband has been my best friend for years, and that was so hard to live away from. However, I truly believe if you are in a season of long-distance that is because you need to learn how to experience life without your significant other. I needed to learn this life lesson and I grew so much from that season. I learned how to be independent, have my own friends, and do things alone. I learned a lot about myself in that season of life and it benefited our relationship. Being married to a man in uniform means he leaves often, something I have now grown accustomed too. Now that we are married we noticed our everyday lifestyles don't consists of doing everything together, we are equally busy and we are not mad about it. We appreciate time spent together even more, and we encourage each other when we are apart. It's all about being grateful & giving each other grace.

Visit equally.

Although my husband's job in the military made it VERY hard to take time off work (for example our proposal was cancelled and our wedding was almost cancelled). He still tried VERY hard to visit me. Being self-employed allowed me to visit him more often, and for us it balanced it out well. Knowing we both put in as much effort as we could, was reassuring and helped out so much. For some it's one visit every 2 weeks, for others it's one visit every 9 months. My advice is to do whatever it takes to put in 100% and you can make it.

Trust me ;)

It will not always be perfect.

In a long distance relationship your love is tested and doubted every day, but you still prove to each other that it's worth it. That is what makes the relationship so special. - Anon

⋒ If you are in a long distance relationship or have been, please share in the comments your best advice for getting through a season of long distance :)